Playing Chess

Not many people have heard of Mr. Thomas-El. He is a middle school teacher in Philidelphia. Charlie Rose interviewed him one night and my fave author of the moment, Donald Miller, caught the interview. It turns out that Salome Thomas-El had started a chess club in his school. He would walk up to kids who were hanging out at convenience stores and ask them if they wanted to join a chess club. They would, of course, say no. So he would tell them they were making a bad decision - that if somebody offers to teach you something - you should give them respect and ask more questions to find out if it might be a good idea. Sometimes the kids would get rough with him and threaten him. And he would tell them - "another bad decision. If you and I were playing chess right now, you would be losing, because in chess you have to make good decisions." Anyway, the point is that eventually the kids started playing chess and learned how to make good decisions and that of course, changed everything.

Like a lot of people, I didn't have a close relationship with my Dad growing up. He worked a lot and he yelled a lot. He was neither patient nor kind - more of do it my way or there's the highway kind of guy - and he meant it. He was really tough on me, my younger sister and my mom. But sometimes on a Sunday afternoon, we would play chess together.

When I read the story about the kids in Philly, I thought about my own Dad. Maybe he was trying to teach me something - trying in his own way to be a better dad. When you're playing chess, it's all about strategy - anticipating what's going to happen next and thinking through your moves. You have to keep track of a lot of moving pieces plus a whole variety of unknowns that your opponent has control over. Life is like that too. When I make sudden moves or moves without thinking through what could happen, my "game plan" can completely be dismantled in moments. I need to slow down, play the movie, think it through and then move.

Six weeks ago, another Soul to Soul member gave me a book by Immaculee Ilibagiza called "Left to Tell" about Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust. I was absolutely captivated by her story. Several other friends have since shared with me their stories about Africa and then I learned that my church is planning a trip with World Vision in the fall to Rwanda. I read Richard Stearns book about World Vision last year - great read from somebody who used to run retail stores and is now in the midst of extreme poverty and deep need. A lot of things are connecting so what's my next step? If I were a terrible chess player, I might, with all of my enthusiasm and passion, assume this was God's calling for me this fall and sign up. I'd figure out the details later like how many days I would be away from my children and what the cost would be. I could lose in this game though even though it is a good ministry and I felt God's calling because I don't have $4000 just sitting around and I do have other responsibilities including two children and a business.

So, the first thing I do is gather information:

Who are the players?

Are they strong and ready? Are they for real?

What is the cost if I do this - emotionally, physically, financially?

What could be gained for God's kingdom?

Is God really calling me to do this?

And then I wait. Chess in most homes isn't played with a timer so you have time to think it through. I used to drive my dad crazy. He would get impatient with me and yell "just make a move!"

Much has changed since I was that little kid sitting at the feet of my earthly father trying to please him. I know he did his best but no man or woman can compare to God. God is patient and His timing is perfect. So now I make my move when my Father in heaven tells me too and not a second earlier. It does not mean that I have not had to walk in faith trusting that He will meet me in the middle somewhere because I have had to do that but we are in constant communication while we're walking.

My son Tristan loves to play chess but his 10 year old sister gets frustrated. Tristan really thinks things through. When we go out for dinner, he figures out how much dinner is going to cost before we order - and he's 8. Logan's much more of a "carpe diem" kind of kid so she just drinks it all in. Guess who is the better chess player at the moment? Logan is as smart as a whip but Tristan is a better strategist. He usually wins. I want them both to win in life though so I plan on playing chess with them a lot this summer.

Making good decisions must be learned. If you have a child in your life - or even someone you're mentoring that is a little lost and making some not-so-great decisions, you might want to dust off the chess game and play. No one wants to sit down and talk about how much they're messing up but most people are up for a little fun. And you could be helping them to see just how smart they can be. Just planting the seed like the teacher from Philidelphia can make a real difference in someone's life. Most of his students went off to college, became successful, started families and raised children who felt secure in their homes all because they learned how to make good decisions.

Let me know if you agree. Is chess a great strategy game? Who taught you how to play? Have you ever taught anyone how to play?

I'm all ears and if you ever want to get a group of kids together to play - you know where to find me.