Then Change Comes

Just so you know, this is a continuation of the last one (about Italy).

            After this whole experience, I was basically left with three empty months of empty twenty-four hour days.  My spirit was empty but my brain was not.  I started writing, reading, thinking about God and learning about all the things I didn’t learn about when I had items on my schedule.  I recall becoming “addicted” to the book of Ecclesiastes, which is where you naturally turn when you’re feeling empty inside… at least for me.  I created a video blog where I talked about my thoughts, and—well, I would say experiences, but I didn’t really have any.

            This is where that forest fire metaphor comes in again.  Dale says growth happens, but at its own pace—I got an overwhelming feeling everything would be restored soon, and even that something was coming that would push my life beyond what it was before.  Part of it was getting out of the mess I’d created—I had to be re-admitted to college and had to register for classes, and I had to go back to work eventually.  I felt that fire toward the beginning of May—something pushing me to get back into the “normal” swing of life.  I didn’t personally lost a large sum of money, like Dale did, but I lost a dream and I had to find another.  I went seeking for one, and luckily it didn’t take long before it came knocking at my door.

            Spring came early that year.  By the time May 12^th arrived, it was already progressing into summer temps—I’d already been wearing tank tops and shorts for a month at that point.  Everyone was finishing up their semesters, and my best friend was having her annual birthday bash.  I jumped at the opportunity to go and re-connect with people I’d barely seen during my three-month hiatus.  The night before her party, she and I ran into that Chinese student I mentioned (the one who told me I was nuts for not knowing Italian, but not in those words), and I was surprised to learn my friend knew him too—she invited him to her birthday party and he excitedly accepted.  We hadn’t spoken since Urbana, except for the occasional Facebook message here and there.

            Anyway—I would say it just took that one day for new feelings to be sparked inside of me, but I knew it wasn’t just that one day.  From the time I’d left for Italy until then, it had been a long and arduous process just to get me there.  So here I was with destiny knocking at my door, and it was no longer me in the driver’s seat.  I was being taken somewhere I never would have chosen on my own—so obviously I had to be emptied of all desires and dreams about Feliciano before I could accept this new mission.  And I say “mission” because it soon became less about the guy and more about a crazy plan that God has for every part of my life.  Things started moving.

            We dated, then he moved to Wisconsin while I finished up my senior year at UNH.  That was a tough year—not just because of the long-distance, but also because of confusion about my career.  I found myself, for the first time in my entire life wanting to move to the Midwest (if you know me, you know that’s a big deal because it was the last place I ever wanted or expected to be).  I tried to use Campus Crusade as an excuse to move to Madison—but found the process of fundraising my entire salary to be as impossible as people said it would be.  So—I became engaged to this wonderful guy God had placed into my life, and all of a sudden my parents were all for (well, at least mildly supportive of) my desire to move.  So Campus Crusade was no longer my only option… and I moved.  To the last place I ever wanted to live.  (Insert comments about how terrible Wisconsin winters are)  I know, I get the point!  I wanted to move to North Carolina…and I’ve experienced New England winters already… how much worse can it be??!!

            (breathes)

            Anyway—the real point is that my life was “burned down”, then built up again into something even better and stronger than before.  I still cherish the idea of doing overseas missions, but my location of choice has changed (once again, China was somewhere I never even thought of going, but I went last winter and there’s a good chance I’ll end up temporarily living there at some point).  God revealed some things I wouldn’t have seen otherwise, like my love of International students and desire to minister to them.  If I hadn’t met my now-fiancé from Korea, Japan, China (we even “adopted” an exchange student from Korea into our “clique”), I probably would have never found this out about myself.  I also never would have known that I would be able to live away from home for more than three months, when in college I couldn’t even go three weeks.

            So, Dale’s conclusion that “made it back and more” from the monetary loss is something that definitely resonates with me.  I’m “back and better than ever”, and realize that the biggest mistake I made in my entire life was also my biggest blessing.

            And I’m learning to like the Midwest.