What I Say, not What I Do: 1 Controversial Message for Your 7th or 8th Grader

Why can parents say "Jesus Christ" in frustration, but kids can't?  Why can your school guidance counselor smoke cigarettes while you're taught day after day that it causes cancer and is bad?  Why can priests preach the message of Christ, but then go and engage in sinful behaviors with children?  What ever happened to role models?

            Last week began a new school year at the school where I substitute teach, speak at Chapel and considered a role model.  As part of opening week I was to deliver multiple messages on purity.

            To prepare I  use quiet time, prayer and writing to get ready to speak.  I felt convicted on the several times I failed as a role model to my children, the students and others.

            A role model is someone who is there, who gives instruction, and lives in a way that lives up to their own instruction.  Fortunately, many children and teens have at least one role model.  Unfortunately, many times a young person's list of role models will not include their own parents.  Sometimes not everyone on the list is even a good role model.  This is why it's good to have at least one role model whose influence is stronger than anyone else's--and typically that is a parent.  And that one role model is the one to teach a child what the biblical view of purity is.

            Busyness is a god today.  There was a time when a child's life was not so structured as it is today.  Yes, they did a few activities here and there, but most of their time was in unstructured play.  Today, a parent's schedule includes carting children to school, soccer, piano, dance, school plays, etc.  Their own time spent focusing on career, and it's become typical to leave your very young children at daycare while at work.  50, 60, 70-hour work weeks are not uncommon to a good number of people.  This is with very good intentions--to give more than enough for the family to live on, or to support your child's interests, wishes, and dreams by building their skills through extracurriculars.  But sometimes the idea of being a role model gets lost in the mix.

            Let's say Penelope, a fifth grader, goes to school on her first day and meets a new friend named Sandy.  Sandy's parents divorced.  Penelope heard from her own parents that divorce is bad, so she goes and talks to her trusted teacher about it (who she also had in fourth grade).   Mrs. Simpson, though, tells Penelope that divorce is okay, especially if a husband and wife don't get along.  It's better to divorce than to stay in an unhappy marriage.  Penelope, however, believes her trusted parents far more than her teacher (though both are role models), and sticks to her original beliefs.

            But Penelope's parents get divorced six months later (Granted there is Biblical grounds for divorce.  That you should know. Should your children know?).

            Now, what is she left to believe?  She can't take her parents' teaching seriously anymore because they broke their own moral code.  So, she'll likely follow her teacher's point of view now, because if her parents and her teachers believe divorce is okay, well… it is.

             How about sixteen-year-old Thomas?  He's never been taught by his parents whether sex outside of marriage is good, because they were simply too busy to teach him morals, and he was too involved in activities to listen.  One day, he hears his older friend and mentor mention that he had sex with a girl he met at a bar last night.  When he asks Joe if he thinks that's wrong, Joe shakes his head and says, "It's perfectly natural."  Before this, Thomas had a hunch that it was probably wrong, but if his trusted mentor thinks it's okay, well… it is.  He's never heard otherwise.

            Even though parents can act differently than what they say, or perhaps just be too busy to even say, period, there is a moral code of purity put in place by God's word.   It's unfortunate that some parents, for whatever reason, aren't the ones who are lovingly teaching their children this.

            However, to children in these situations, this is the one instance where it is okay not to listen to parents.  Respect your parents for raising you, follow their house rules, and love them--but when it comes to morals, sometimes you have to stand with what's in the Bible, and not be swayed even by those people who hold most influence over your lives.

I believe You and I can tell our children this.  What do you think?

Authored by Dale Suslick and VP of Writing Style Kristen Wallace.